“Who the hell are you?” I ask the guy.
“It’s me, son. Your dad, Rick,” he replies.
Then my mom chimes in. “Your name’s not Rick, honey.”
“Shit,” he says, “My bad.”
“Mom, who is this guy?” I ask
“Don’t be ridiculous. That is your dad. Now go get your father another Miller High Life.”
“Miller High Life? That’s definitely not right. The dad I know would never betray the Silver Bullet. What the hell is going on?”
“Aaalright,” she says, “Well, as you know, your father has been your father for over twenty years. He’s done now. He just thinks that this whole thing has reached a logical end, which, you know, is perfectly reasonable. But, who could picture life without good ol’ dad around the house, so…I hired this guy to replace him.”
“What the f…? This is ridiculous. You can’t just do that. If he’s gone, he’s gone. You can’t just hire some scab to replace him,” I say.
“Oh, I can and I did. Your father will never play John Rambo again!”
This is when shit gets weird. Suddenly, my mom turns into a business suit-wearing movie executive holding those novelty money bags with dollar signs on them in each hand; the living room turns into a movie theater, and I multiply into like 200 people. The next thing I know, all 200 of me are watching my fake dad on a movie screen pretending to be Rambo in Rambo V.
It’s strange because I had the same type of dream when Dumb and Dumberer came out…
So…yeah… they are probably going to try and replace Sylvester Stallone in order to make another Rambo movie. Apparently, Rambo V movie posters were spotted at the Cannes Film Festival.
I sincerely hope that was some kind of joke. I wish movie studios would at least have the decency to wait ten years and try and reboot the franchise with a new actor rather than replace the original while he is still fresh in our minds. Nothing is sacred!
Can you picture anyone other than Sylvester Stallone as Rambo?