I had this bad dream recently in which I walk into my parents’ house and I find this strange guy sitting on the couch where my dad usually sits.  My mom is right where she usually is, checking her Facebook page, but there is this strange guy just sitting in my dad’s spot like he’s always been there.

“Who the hell are you?” I ask the guy.

“It’s me, son. Your dad, Rick,” he replies.

Then my mom chimes in. “Your name’s not Rick, honey.”

“Shit,” he says, “My bad.”

“Mom, who is this guy?” I ask

“Don’t be ridiculous.  That is your dad.  Now go get your father another Miller High Life.”

“Miller High Life? That’s definitely not right. The dad I know would never betray the Silver Bullet. What the hell is going on?”

“Aaalright,” she says, “Well, as you know, your father has been your father for over twenty years.  He’s done now.  He just thinks that this whole thing has reached a logical end, which, you know, is perfectly reasonable. But, who could picture life without good ol’ dad around the house, so…I hired this guy to replace him.”

“What the f…? This is ridiculous.  You can’t just do that.  If he’s gone, he’s gone.  You can’t just hire some scab to replace him,” I say.

“Oh, I can and I did.  Your father will never play John Rambo again!”

This is when shit gets weird.  Suddenly, my mom turns into a business suit-wearing movie executive holding those novelty money bags with dollar signs on them in each hand; the living room turns into a movie theater, and I multiply into like 200 people. The next thing I know, all 200 of me are watching my fake dad on a movie screen pretending to be Rambo in Rambo V.

It’s strange because I had the same type of dream when Dumb and Dumberer came out…

So…yeah… they are probably going to try and replace Sylvester Stallone in order to make another Rambo movie. Apparently, Rambo V movie posters were spotted at the Cannes Film Festival.

I sincerely hope that was some kind of joke.  I wish movie studios would at least have the decency to wait ten years and try and reboot the franchise with a new actor rather than replace the original while he is still fresh in our minds.  Nothing is sacred!

Can you picture anyone other than Sylvester Stallone as Rambo?


Source: AICN

5/21/2010 03:12:13 am

No...Even with his roided out body, he still is a good Rambo. He just looks creepy fake. That doesn't mean someone else can pull off the job! I agree, wait until our brains have atrophied and forgotten the glory days and then ease someone else into the position. Can't think of anybody who could fit the bill for Rambo, but they seem to make that kind of thing work in the Bond films.

5/21/2010 06:34:04 am

I think it works in the Bond films because they did a complete overhaul of the character. It's not corny Pierce Brosnan's character anymore. It's more of a series reboot. Casino Royale=Batman Begins, in a sense.

5/23/2010 02:04:05 pm

Vomit. First of all you really need to stop hittin’ the sauce before bed. Second I hope that bit about the posters is a joke. These remakes and repackaging gimmicks from Hollywood are getting out of control. If they continue with this pace of remake turn around they are going to start making the remakes before the originals which will just make your dreams worse and make everyone worry about you. This is not good for anyone…

P.S. Don’t ever compare Rambo and Bond. I get your point, but two completely different types of films. Could you imagine a Rambo novel? Ha I just did.

5/23/2010 02:29:26 pm

Some of these franchises warrant remakes, like ones that could seriously benefit from an update in special effects. But, right now it's to the point where about over half the movies that come out are remake/reboot.reimaginings. This Karate Kid remake (in which the kid practices kung fu, not karate) might make me want to cry myself to sleep.

A Rambo novel would be just about the same quality as your average Bond novel.

5/23/2010 03:29:05 pm

You know there was a time when film directors would not have dared do any type of remake of an old film. A time when the art of film itself left open too much opportunity for creativity that to recreate something seemed ridiculous. I don’t think this time has come to an end. But it will soon if Hollywood keeps chasing the dollar and not artistic achievement or at the very least quality entertainment value.

Let old franchises die. It’s alright for some stories to end. Hollywood is about squeezing every last dollar out of any successful franchise. There is no surprise that these remakes are surfacing but they are coming so rapidly and so ill-conceived that it seems that the remakes are not actually any type of reimagining but a bad impersonation of the original. It’s kind of like when your drunken friend tries to do his best Christopher Walken impression at a party and it kind of looks/sounds like Walken but it really just makes your friend look like a chump and everyone watching uncomfortable for watching something so awkward and terrible. That is the nature of the remake. Stick to Independent films if its originality you’re after.

Really? You think the Rambo character is as developed as the Bond character? Hmm maybe I can’t see Rambo past my issues with Stallone’s acting. While both characters are stoic and somewhat flat the Bond story seems richer and it can be argued has been proven to be by critics and public loyalty. Rambo barely put out a series of successful movies (which is 4). There have been more than 20 internationally successful Bond books which then turned into internationally iconic films. It seems pretty ridiculous to compare the two at this point. I think it would also be helpful to look at the last Bond film’s box office numbers ($168,386,427 Domestic) to Rambo’s ($42,754,105 domestic) in telling which character is more successful and well received thus become telling in deciding which people feel is the more quality of storylines…But I guess I get your point.

5/23/2010 04:25:56 pm

I wouldn't call a Bond storyline "rich" per se. There are more threads in a given Bond Story I suppose, but that is closer to being convoluted than it is to being rich. Don't get me wrong. I liked the last two Bond movies. But excluding those two, Bond as a character is pretty much just a warm body to use cool gadgets and sleep with women. Rambo at least has the "tortured past" "why am I here?" angles to work with.
As far as box office numbers and story quality go, I think it's a safe bet that monetary quantity doesn't equal movie quality. Otherwise 'Transformers 2 Revenge of the Fallen' is one of the best stories ever told. I think most people know that isn't the case.

5/23/2010 04:45:54 pm

The Transformers franchise can’t be compared to the consistency of the Bond franchise. The only reason I used the Last installments of the two series as examples is because Bond is still making big bucks on its 22nd film and Rambo barely made anything on its fourth. A lot of the time with a sequel people will go expecting it to be better than the first. In the 22nd film installment in a series people are more trusting of the authors work and the past films that have come from that work.

P.S. The internally tortured lone wolf soldier is just as convoluted as Bond but a lot lazier. What Rambo lacks in plot devices it makes up in fire power and gore this would not bode well in the literary world.

5/23/2010 05:07:47 pm

I'm not comparing the two. I'm saying that just because a movie makes money, doesn't mean the story is good.

There is really nothing convoluted about Rambo. The plot is simple: Rambo gets reason to kill-->Rambo kills lots of people until the movie is over. The character of Bond isn't complicated. The stock spy genre plot devices, such as betrayal/intrigue/deceit/love interest are what convolutes the story. I don't think they are bad or confusing films; they are just stock.

No one ever claimed Rambo was a literary masterpiece, nor that it had more fans than Bond. Flooding the market will get a name recognized. The last Rambo film was more for Rambo fans, who hadn't seen a new installment in 20 years, as opposed to Bond fans who get a new one every two to five years.

5/24/2010 11:31:16 am

I’m not saying that either. I’m saying that longevity proves the quality of the story (at least in some sense). While it only took four films for Rambo to start to lose its followers Bond still retains a higher fan base after a long series of books and films. Bond doesn’t flood the market as much as it adheres to the principles of supply and demand. People loved the Bond books. People loved the Bond films. They wanted more of the books and short stories made into films so the studio delivered. The name was there before the films or they would have never come to be.

Rambo could be a simple character but as you pointed out before. “Rambo at least has the "tortured past" "why am I here?" angles to work with.” The story doesn’t let the character be as one dimensional as say it should be but desperately tries to make his rampages seem like a symptom of a dark mysterious past or an attempt to show that the waters run deep in the machine gun totting brute. This is convulsion.

Your right no one ever claimed that Rambo would be a literary masterpiece but as you mentioned, “A Rambo novel would be just about the same quality as your average Bond novel.” I argue that the fact that Bond comes from very successful novels and went on to become one of the most successful film franchises in cinema history ( staggeringly more so than Rambo) gives very little evidence that your statement could be correct. But then again it is all opinion based. It would depend on who wrote the Rambo books and again the quality of the story would still be opinion based. I just find it hard to compare the two based on the proven past of Bond.

P.S. I absolutely detest both of these franchises. Good conversation though.

5/24/2010 01:20:59 pm

I'm not the biggest fan either. The last couple Bond films and the last Rambo weren't bad, though.

Sir Mix-a-lot
5/25/2010 08:06:01 am

Anthony. Your opinions are absolutely horrid. Please know what you are talking about before you start talking on a website...

5/25/2010 03:46:37 pm

Sir Mix-a-lot. How dare you. No need for the hostility. But I guess everyone is a tough guy on the internet. In what way are they horrid? Be specific please.

Sir Mix-a-lot
5/26/2010 05:25:59 am

Anthony. I am making absolutely no effort to sound like a tough guy via the internet. I simply call it like it is. If it smells, tastes, and looks like poor reviews and opinions, well, then that is exactly what it is. Do everyone a favor that actually reads this blog for academic purposes and stay off of it. Thank you.

5/26/2010 08:28:53 am

Again. Sir Mix-a-lot. I understand that you didn't like my opinions. But What I don't understand is why you keep pointing out that they were “poor” (which is ridiculous because the very nature of an opinion means that it cannot be good or bad) when you have not outlined any reason as to why they would be poor. It was simply a disagreement. I really just agreed with Andrew about his opinion on remakes. Then I said that Bond and Rambo are incomparable due to the public’s reaction to them and gave examples. I am really confused as to why this would be a big enough deal for you to tell me to stay off the blog. If you really are reading this blog for academic purposes then the most scholarly thing you could do is present an argument and back it up with evidence to which someone may disagree with you by doing the same (which I have done). But simply pointing out that someone’s opinion is poor and not stating in any way how is just kind of petty and cowardice. So again I challenge you. Sir Mix-a-lot please tell me why you think my opinions are “poor” and “horrid”. Don’t just throw sweeping general insults my way that would be the actions of someone being a tough guy via the internet. Thank you in advance.

Deuce Woods
5/26/2010 03:13:05 pm

I think the very nature of a site like this is to bring out differing opinions about movies and games. If you go on a site like this to talk poorly about other people, be it the author or other readers, you might need someone to hold you. (Possibly for the first time)

Sir Mix-a-lot
5/27/2010 02:55:43 am

Anthony. If you look to my earlier statements, the first mention that I made was that your reviews were poor. I do apologize for adding in opinions as part of that because you are totally correct that by definition an opinion cannot be poor. I stand corrected. Your reviews are poor. Your idea that the gore of Rambo would prove unsuccessful in the novel industry is absolutely absurd. For examples of successful novels that do indeed include an enormous amount of blood and gore, we can look to phenomenal literary works such as, "The Road" or "Blood Meridian" or maybe "Haunter" or MAYBE even "Coven". This is just one reason why your reviews are poor. If you need any further clarification please let me know as I am happy to provide it. Again, I am in no way being a tough guy via the internet. You have been the one to clearly become mad through my comments. Hopefully my words no longer seem like "sweeping general insults" but rather pinpointed, specific, reasons as to why your reviews are poor.

Andrew, you need to write another blog entry so that we can have more GREAT reviews out of Anthony.

5/27/2010 05:03:47 am

My first internet blog argument... this is indeed a proud moment in my short life so far. I dig the spirited debate. It's at a pretty good level right now.

Remember: No personal insults. Opinions, however, are fair game. Tear those to shreds.


5/27/2010 08:16:43 am

Before I get started I want to take the time to thank Sir-Mix-a- lot for actually attempting to add to the conversation. That’s all I wanted. In no way was I mad at all. I appreciate good debate is all and insults are not a part of debate…

Here we go…
Sir-Mix-a-lot. I did look at your earlier comments and your first mention was not that my reviews were poor but that my opinions were as you say “Horrid”
“Anthony. Your opinions are absolutely horrid. Please know what you are talking about before you start talking on a website...”

You did make mention of my so called poor reviews in your second comment. But I just wanted you to know that with this statement,

“Anthony. If you look to my earlier statements, the first mention that I made was that your reviews were poor.”

You are wrong but let’s go further.

Review defined in the Oxford English Dictionary…
noun 1 a formal assessment of something with the intention of instituting change if necessary. 2 a critical appraisal of a book, play, or other work. 3 a retrospective survey or report. 4 a ceremonial display and formal inspection of military or naval forces.
• verb 1 carry out or write a review of. 2 view or inspect again.

Its longer than this but I think you are getting the point.

I remind you the definition of review because it seems that you have made a mistake in reading my comments. I gave no critical analysis or reiteration of the story of Rambo whatsoever. I was just giving my opinion on whether or not Bond and Rambo could be compared and why Rambo would not make a good novel. I personally don’t think that Rambo would be a good story because it is hallow which is why the film franchise struggled on its last film. So when you said this, “Your idea that the gore of Rambo would prove unsuccessful in the novel industry is absolutely absurd.” I actually would agree with you if I said that. But I never said that at all. The closest thing I said to that was, “What Rambo lacks in plot devices it makes up in fire power and gore this would not bode well in the literary world.” Which I still stand by. The novels that you mention all are careful to introduce their gore with the intention of keeping it from becoming gratuitous. I argue that Rambo makes up for a weak plot with gratuitous violence to make it a spectacle and draw viewership but that’s just my opinion…ah you see how that works? I even made sure to make it clear that it was all opinion by making this statement, “But then again it is all opinion based. It would depend on who wrote the Rambo books and again the quality of the story would still be opinion based. I just find it hard to compare the two based on the proven past of Bond”. I am glad this is a learning experience for you Sir-Mix-a-lot. It will be helpful for you to know the difference between an opinion and review when using any type of blog for “academic purposes”.

Yes Andrew maybe next time I will give a review instead of an opinion even if it is just to teach your readers the difference. In all seriousness. Love the Blog. See ya Sir-Mix-a-lot


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